The Blog // ONE HEART Family Ministries

Our 6th Anniversary — it’s so curious, because it doesn’t seem like it’s been only 6 years.  So much life has happened in those 6 years.  Like what feels like a million house projects in the fixer-upper, that thankfully has grown to truly be a home.  3.5 years of Foster to Adoption stress, that makes it seem simultaneously like it was yesterday and “has always been”, all at the same time.  Job changes, new adventures, you name it.  It’s been an amazing 6 years.  

I think part of it helps, we dated for awhile long-distance, then in the same place.  Yet we knew each other from college.  In fact, I think if I am thinking right, we became friends in August of 2006 — which means we’ve known each other nearly 15 years.  It’s actually hard to imagine when I think back, I love that.

This is the best part, and it comes to mind more and more often as time goes on.  We love each other more every year, every month, every week — through all the hard things we’ve walked through, fear, uncertainty, changes, death, scary surgery, you name it — it’s made us more united.  It’s helped us trust God’s goodness & faithfulness more.  It’s grown us into more patient (mostly working on me) and gracious people.  But I just can’t get over that we haven’t ever had moments where we regretted this adventure.  We get excited thinking about fun dreams for the future with each other, and with our beautiful children.  But in all that stuff, we love each other more — more fully, more sacrificially, with more understanding and more sincere.

There is a great song by a great band, Caedmon’s Call (who sadly isn’t making new music) — song is called “Love Grows Love”.  I can’t listen to it without some new connection to it each time.  You should go listen to the song, but there are a few stand out lines that I just love.  I copied a chunk of the song and bolded the parts that are favorites:

Link: https://youtu.be/jk0fxvvvkw0

Caedmon’s Call — “Love Grows Love”

“I fell in love with you, and the love became something new
It keeps getting stronger than we ever could have longed
Love keeps growing more love

When we got the news we had to call our families
And start painting the room a nice bright blue
Our vows, they started breathing and they took on flesh and blood
And we held them in our arms and tasted that God was good

I fell in love with you, and the love became something new
Added a name and we added a smile, keeps getting bigger ever further mile
There on your bended knee, we sowed the seeds of our history
Coming up stronger than we ever could have longed
Love keeps growing more love

If love is an echo of the heart, the heart is a canyon
It stretches wild and free without an end
It breaks through every wall that holds us in”

I think those bold parts are favorites because I “get” them more each day — they are more true, more rich in depth and meaning.  I mean wow!  Our vows they started meaning something deeper and richer with every new adventure, new wave, new turbulence, you name it.  Especially with the kids!  Everyone’s kids are a blessing and a test, but the tumultuous way our kids came to be home, our vows were pushed & stretched!  But even through it all — it was a constant reminder that God was/is good.  Big time amazing.

And I love “there on your bended knee, we sowed the seeds of our history”.  There is something so awesome, so big, so good about that.  It’s bigger than just our dating, engagement, and wedding.  There is this huge beautiful story unfolding, and our simple anniversary, that comes around each year — it’s a pillar (so to speak) that reminds me that the seed planted then has grown, and will keep growing.  Even in the moments of exhaustion and kids wearing me thin, there is a bigger picture I have to see, I have to reflect on.  

But this year, there is much to be thankful for on this 6th Anniversary.  Clara’s first Mother’s Day, My first Father’s Day (today on our Anniversary), SINCE the kids have officially been little Maloy’s.  That’s a BIG joy.  Shoot, the kids were adopted on my 35th Birthday too!  There are so many great moments this year and that annual “pillar” of our Anniversary give me cause to look back and “taste that God is good”.  And thank God for that!

Happy Anniversary, Clara!

Tomorrow is a big day. We’ve waited for over 1100 days (little more than 3 years) to officially adopt our children. After so many days, weeks, months, years of trying not to “get our hopes up”, it is almost difficult to take a deep breath and know the thing you’d longed for, has finally come. Yet tomorrow, March 2nd, 2021 — we can breath that sigh of relief.

There are so many thoughts I wish I could wrestle out of my mind, feelings that I wish I could describe, but I really can’t. Because tomorrow, unless I wake up and this was a dream, our kids will legally be little Maloy’s — in the eyes of the state, they are forever Home. I am a fan of hyperbole, but this truly is one of the biggest days for us, for our kids, for our family.

So Clara & I have been doing a Bible Study on the Book of Joshua — and a common theme, over and over again, is “remember”. The study is recounting the story of the Israelites coming into the Promised Land. A theme that’s hitting me more than in previous times I’ve read Joshua, God’s Faithfulness. Over and over again, there are calls to be “strong and courageous”, and there are commands to remember God’s faithfulness. Stories of old are reflected on, taught to their children and point to God’s faithfulness in the past to help them trust God now, and in the future. It sounds trite to say it’s awesome — but it really is. Remember — remember God’s faithfulness.

The last few weeks, especially the last week, every time someone asks me about the pending Adoption and how excited and relieved we are, the theme of God’s faithfulness keeps coming out in my reflecting on the goodness of this whole season of our lives. Faithfulness has really been a theme of this 3 years. Faithfulness of our family, of our friends, our co-workers, our church, our schools (we’re both teachers), faithfulness of God through a lot of scary moments. Through everything — the really hard stuff, the scary stuff, the uncertainty, the anxious moments, the good moments, the joyous moments — we have been blessed.

Recently we have had a lot of lasts. Today was the last day I dropped my foster kids off at school. Tonight was the last night we put our foster kids to bed. Last week we had our last official visit with our caseworker and DJO, there were tears, because we truly love them. They are part of our families story. They are part of knitting us together, used by God to create something new from something broken. Honestly, we have tried so hard for so long to not get excited about the hope of adoption, that I never really realized we’d have a lot of lasts. But here is the beauty of all those lasts, they are really just the beginning of something “officially” new. They are the coming together of this new thing God has been weaving together for 3+ years. I’ve said it before, and I’ll likely never get tired of saying it — God is making things new.

God has been faithful to us, again and again. Like the story of the Israelites in Joshua, we are called to remember and proclaim God’s goodness and God’s faithfulness. Like I said, I am not really good at nailing down my thoughts tonight, they are racing and bouncing around all over — but I know in these moments, the eve of adoption, I want to remember God’s faithfulness.

I know I will have more thoughts soon, as I reflect on the events this week — and I will try hard to treasure them all, but for now thank you. Thank you for loving our family. Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for showering us with support, encouragement & blessing us every day.

I could be foolishly optimistic, in fact, I am certain I have been accused of being a bit too much like “Buddy the Elf” at times (not kidding, literally today, in a meeting after school). But nevertheless, I could be too optimistic. That said, I truly believe that most people want to fix things that are broken. Sure, something may get in the way. It could be money, time, health, family, job, choices, etc., that get in the way. Still, in the quiet moments, the calm instances that stir our thoughts, ours hearts, even our souls — we want to make things right. We long for things to be redeemed, to be as they were. There is an overwhelming amount of brokenness in the world. It takes minuscule time on social media, TV, newspapers, you name it, to be overcome by the angst, sadness, devastation, and yes, brokenness.

If you’ll indulge me, at school (I teach High School Business Classes) we start off in the business introduction course looking at the world as it was. We look at Genesis (the beginning of the Bible) — we start there “In the Beginning”, and we try to get a grasp on “what was”. We look at Creation and see how things were — our relationship with God, our relationship with Others, our relationships with Ourselves (knowledge of self), and relationship with Creation. We dig into that story (Genesis 1-2) and try to chase after that beauty of what was. We catch a glimpse, if even momentary, of the thing we long for — things being right, as they were meant to be.

Unfortunately Genesis 3 happens — “the Fall”, and everything promptly unravels. We live after that moment. We live in a world full of unraveled brokenness. I can’t fix every problem in the world, gosh, none on my own I suppose. Yet here our family is, the midst of Foster Care, on the cusp of Adoption. You aren’t here on my couch, watching me clack away on my keyboard, but this isn’t easy to write. It isn’t easy to try and wrestle through thoughts, try to put words to things you know, think & feel, balance them with the truth and make sense of it all. Truthfully, I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t have the answers. But I know that I cannot, will not, see brokenness in the world — and do nothing. I know there are really big problems in the world, ones I don’t truly understand. But something I can do, is take steps. I can look into the darkness, into the brokenness and start chipping away.

Our kids, they are precious. They are wild ninja superhero preschoolers of course, but they are made in the image of God. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. And raising them up in The Lord, redeeming the brokenness in their lives (let’s be honest, I do NOT like to think about it, but there had to be profound brokenness, sadness, even devastation for them to end up in our home) — but starting to restore that brokenness is a small step toward making things right in the world. Even if it is just making things right in our corner of the world, our little cul-de-sac — it’s still pushing back on the darkness. It is still redeeming brokenness, one day, one nap time, one snack time, one meltdown, one lost fox stuffed animal, one matchbox car thrown at Dad’s head on accident.

I don’t have the answers, but I know this — God is doing something incredible and unexplainable in our home, in our family. He is writing a story that is beautiful, imperfect yet perfect, and sacred. And I can’t tell you how amazing it is, to be in the middle of God redeeming something so wonderful and simple — and to be able to sit here catching glimpses of it unfolding. It’s a gift.

Parenting is hard. Literally just saying those 3 words will get 95% of people (made up statistic, just in case) to shout a hardy, “yep” or “amen”. It is because it’s true. Parenting is hard.

That said, as a Foster Parent you are confronted with so many challenging scenarios that you tend to forget how tough being a “normal” parent can be. I will spare you the icky details. Nevertheless Foster Parenting confronts you with some realities that all parents face, yet they are often magnified by Foster Care.

An example — So little is truly certain for anyone in life. We aren’t promised tomorrow, we can’t be sure a loved one won’t fall ill, we cannot predict the outcome of jobs, education, etc. We strive in life to reduce risk to the best of our ability. But so little is truly certain. Foster Care magnifies this to a level I’d never previously experienced. I can get a text/email/call from a caseworker, court officer, etc., (even one I know and trust) and still my heart skips. Because you literally never know what new thing you may find out. Often it’s nothing, yet sometimes everything changes again. Then you’re faced with the only option, soldier on. Naturally this is not different than any parent, it’s just tremendous how much this is in. your. face. every. moment.

So before you assume all doom and gloom, there is light and beauty in this. It has forced surrender in my life. It has forced me to trust God more deeply. I have no other option. I have really been wrestling with this lately (my apologies if someone has caught me deep in thought lately and I seemed frazzled). And as I have wrestled with this I remembered something I prayed for, daily, for probably years. I (foolishly, kidding. sort of…) prayed that God would give me big faith. I prayed God would make me “steadfast”, unshakable, resolute, unhesitating. I wanted to be a man who would not be swayed easily. I wanted to trust God more completely. I wanted to surrender with absolute certainty, over and over each day. I wanted to really learn to “Abide in Christ”. I hope you are seeing where this is going. I am certainly a long way from where I’d hoped I’d be by now, but I see glimpses of this. I see moments where God has grown me deeply. This journey, the 965 days that my beautiful children have been in our home, has wrecked me. It has wrecked me repeatedly. And thank God it has. I still want to be “in control” and “over-prepared” too much. I need to be wrecked.

These 965 days have humbled me, daily humbled me. I remember I don’t have it all together. I can’t save as much money as I’d like. I don’t have the energy I wish I did. I can’t sit and rest 1/4 of as much as I’d like. I have obligations. I have responsibilities. I have dreams. I have hopes. And because these 965 days have broken me over and over — I can see more of the incredible story God is unfolding and how He is showing His grace, His mercy & His love. And thank God that He keeps destroying the parts of me that war against Truth, war against Beauty, and war against restoration.

A good friend, who since has moved away and I don’t get to catch up with him as often as I wish I could, told me something many years ago. We were in a deep discussion about some very difficult circumstances and somehow I brought up the idea of “fight or flight”. I told him that I wasn’t 100% sure, but I liked to think I was of the “fight” camp. He quietly asked why, I made my poorly thought out case, and he replied with, “no”. He told me he thought there was a third option. He believed there were those who neither ran (took flight), nor fought (fight), but a third group who was able to stand resolute, unwavering & steadfast in the midst of turmoil & trouble. He very kindly told me that he believed me to be one of those rare folks in the third category, who stood fast, no deep desire to fight or flee. In my foolish pride, I quickly dismissed his words as too kind, and didn’t really make much of it. But over the years, that conversation has come to mind a couple times. And tonight while sitting on the back porch praying about tomorrow and thinking back over the past 965 days, that conversation with my friend came to mind. And I realized the gravity of his compliment. I still don’t feel worthy of such an accolade, but I am coming to realize his wisdom. I am not someone who needlessly fights, and I am certainly not someone who flees from trouble. Foster Care has shown me the truth in what he said to me that night. Thank God that my friend saw that in me, and thank God that He blessed me with that trait. And thankfully God has reminded me of that conversation a few times when I needed to hear it again.

I suppose I shared that story with you about my good friend & his kind words somewhat out of “processing” it myself and realizing it more deeply tonight than before. And out of thankfulness that God saw fit to use Clara and I to love these kids. I am thankful God used us to stand steadfast for them.

I am probably rambling and need to wrap it up… brevity is something I love, and fail at miserably. I have found myself telling the story of what God is unfolding before us more often lately in conversations. That in our kids lives, they have experienced brokenness and the effects of sin and evil that I wish never had to be part of their story. But for all the potential hurt, pain, sadness & brokenness in the world (and there is plenty more) — God is making something amazing, beautiful and sacred. God is redeeming the brokenness in their lives, giving them a home, a Mom & Dad who love them beyond measure, a family, a safe place to thrive and flourish, a place to belong. Their story, is a story of incredible beauty. Beauty that my words just don’t do justice.

It’s beautiful because it is the Gospel. It is the story of our brokenness too. And a tangible embodiment of the love God has for us. And how God is redeeming and restoring the lives of those who love Him.

There is so much brokenness in the world. There is so much to be in doubt of, fear of, frustration over, you name it. But there is even more hope. And thank God for that.