In a few days it will have been 5 months since our little kiddos came to our home. It’s funny because I can barely remember life before February 9th — and it’s okay.
Everything about our lives has changed in the last 5 months — our morning routine is totally different, we get up way earlier, go to bed way earlier, there are cheerios all over the house, we listen to a lot more kid music, we have random dance parties, we all stand and look out the front storm door a lot more to see what’s happening in the cul-de-sac, we have new fresh outlook on the importance of favorite teddy bears and giraffes, we also calm down fussy moments, anticipate possible meltdowns, and pray that naptime and bedtime come easy — but every little bit of this new life is totally worth it.
I could list all the things I (we) have given up, sacrifices that have been made, stressful moments and nerve-wracking changes — but truth be told, it doesn’t matter. My life has changed, our lives have all changed — and it’s good. It’s so much better than I would have expected. To be blunt, we know it’s because God has been faithful just like He promises to be. He called us to be Foster Parents, to love His kids in our home that didn’t have a home — why in the world would He not be there with us to remind us of the big picture, of His goodness, and of the love we have for these kids. It’s foolish, but how often we all forget to abide in Christ, trust God & rely on the Holy Spirit to guide us and prepare us. We try so often to do things in our own strength. If nothing else, this process & the last 5 months, have been a concentrated dose of forced “STOP TRYING IN YOUR OWN POWER” — after all, Paul reminded us of this in 2 Corinthians:
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
— 2 Corinthians 2:9-10 ESV
I definitely continue to pray that I will be content in my weaknesses, and in the certain calamities to come. When it’s hard to let go and trust — I need to more quickly ask God to help me trust, if nothing else for the sake of my kids, who deserve a Dad who is willing to admit his weakness and trust The Lord to love them and grow them well.
For a LOT of reasons, the Andrew Peterson song, Family Man, is really resonating with me this days. I always liked this song, it is on one of my favorite albums, but I never LOVED the song. But the last couple weeks it’s been stuck in my head & heart. I’ll post a link to listen to it (Click for Song/Video: Family Man by Andrew Peterson), and the lyrics below — but there are a few lines that I truly identify with — they are in red below.
Family Man — Andrew Peterson, from Love & Thunder
I am a family man
I traded in my Mustang for a minivan
This is not what I was headed for when I began
This was not my plan, I am a family man
But everything I had to lose
Came back a thousand times in you
And you fill me up with love, fill me up with love
And you help me stand ’cause I am a family man
And life is good, that’s something I always knew
But I just never understood
If you’d asked me then you know I’d say I never would
Settle down in a neighborhood, I never thought I could
But I don’t remember anymore
Who I even was before
You filled me up with love
Filled me up with love, and you help me stand
So come on with the thunder clouds
Let the cold wind rail against us, let the rain come down
We can build a roof above us with the love we’ve found
We can stand our ground, so let the rain come down
Because love binds up what breaks in two
So keep my heart so close to you
And I’ll fill you up with love, fill you up with love
And I’ll help you stand ’cause I am a family man
I’m saving my vacation time for Disneyland
This is not what I was headed for when I began
This was not my plan, it’s so much better than
Haha, ironically half of the song is in red now — hopefully you just read the whole thing. Everything about that song is so true. First of all, there are lines that just resonate around in my mind & heart over and over — phrases like, “But I don’t remember anymore, who I even was before”, and “I traded in my mustang for a minivan” (which is ironic because we are minivan shopping and the 4Runner will go). More deeply, I see a man who is learning to surrender and trust God’s love, but then by the end of the song he is passing along the love God has shown him to his children. Maybe I love this song so much more now because it’s become a prayer of sorts — almost an affirmation of how perfect the beautiful chaos is that came so quickly into our lives 5 months ago.
I’ll leave you with this line from the song, “And life is good, that’s something I always knew, but I just never understood”. Amen.